so its been some monthes or so

I know it has been quite some time since I've posted, but I haven't had much to post about. I've had plenty of sex, but nothing quite interesting or amazing. I was seeing a guy for awhile, and we had some of the greatest sex ever, rough, versatile. I love switching positions. Anyway...

Last night. text at 1 am. 

"you missed a great night... again."

i was in bed. ready for sleep. 

"come over and hang out, we never chill anymore."

I thought about this. was it worth it to get up out of bed, put some make up on. fix my hair and walk over to hang out? Sure why not. I never saw him anyway, so we could just drink and chill. I get there. He's drunk. I drank quickly. trying to catch up. i hadn't eaten much, so it wasn't very difficult. Smoked a cigarette. reminisced.(spelling?) and just hung out. went into his room so he could show me some bottle that glowed in the dark. okay. hint hint. i wonder what could possibly happen next! we sat there. lights on. on his bed. listening to music and chit chatting. my pooch came running up to play and say hello. i was tackled. and so it began. making out. i think i enjoy the single life better because it's more interesting. i mean relationships are cool and all. you can change it up. but it's still the same person, same eyes, same lips, same dick, same sex. no matter how many positions, places, toys, or new things involved. Relationship sex can only change so much. Single person sex is the best, because usually you don't know if it will happen or not. It's a risk, a challenge, an adventure. Oh the good old days of single sex. 

Anyways... we were making out, pulling at each other, trying to tear our clothes off. clothes off. more kissing and pulling and tugging. mm mm good. finally. im ready. i want it. i want the sex. NOW. note: we had hooked up once before, a few years earlier. it was one of my bests. 

It was like a trip down memory lane, but more drunk. It was lusty, sweaty, rolling all over the bed.  I love when a guy can be in me, and still switch positions without losing contact. It's an amazing feeling to be rolled over and be on top, but never come off. This was a while. It happened. It ended. He told me I was cute. I went to smoke my last cigarette. I came back. hopped into bed. He snuggled up to me. it was cute. i asked him if that was his plan. he said no. it didn't matter. all of a sudden he was kissing my neck again. grabbing at me. touching me. feeling me. we went right back at it. this happened one or two more times after that. It was amazing time and time again, but my vagina was tired. it needed a break. It was 530 in the morning. i rolled over and attempted to fall asleep. a few hours went by. but around 9am he was ready to go again. so we did. and then one more time after that. i lost my shirt in the process. we chilled for a little bit. tried to fall back asleep. no such luck. so i found my pants. my bag. my phone. and my dog. and decided to walk home. 

i hope this can become a regular thing. 

no strings attached. 

we are both okay with that.

there are very few people that can actually handle NSA sex. some people say they are, but then get feelings.

ugh.

sometimes i need that late night. 

wasted.

sloppy.

booty call.

its pleasant.

what's even better is the staying the night with morning sex. 

oh how i miss my sexcapades. 

Its been a while. but it was an interesting weekend

Another weekend in NYC.  I wanted to make sure it was going to worth it and remembered.  

Thursday night was breaking the fast in long island. what a bore. been there done that. move on and hurry the fuck back to the city.  Comedy show tonight i think.  While im getting ready I get a text from _____ lets call her ladybug. She wants to know what I am doing.  She wants me to go to brooklyn.  Her friend was DJing at some bar called the Hope Lounge.  I figure why not it might be fun.  I trek my ass all the way out to Brooklyn and arrive at this little dim lit place.  It was cute. Crazy hipsters everywhere giving me the nasty stare. Well fuck them.  Apparently she is here with some kid from work and some other random dudes.  I need a drink. FAST.  Rum and coke at the bar please. chug it down. outside to the patio.  I meet these people.  I only remember a few.  one of them was particularly cute.  They were all leaving to go back to some house.  Ladybug wants to stay. I dont really care as long as I get another drink in me.  I see the boy.  He introduces himself.  His name is Peach.  "Like the fruit?" i say.  He nods.  I flip his hat off and walk back to the bar.  Ladybug decides that we are going to go follow these kids back to their house.  I forgot I invited a friend. Luckily he happened to be outside as we were leaving.  So we make the trek to the other side of Hope st.  Baller apartment.  Makes me jealous.  cute balcony. Cute people. good times.  Break out a beer. Chug. chug. chug.  I need to feel something soon i think.  They want to play booze ball on the roof. Im down. Its probably something like beer ball.  Roof top time.  The view from up there was absolutely amazing.  Ladybug helps me out and has a little chat with Peach.  My booze ball partner. He sucks. Oh well what are you gonna do. DRINK.  He puts his arm around me. How sweet. He's from florida.  He's just chillin in the city, done with school, no job.  Just enjoying life I suppose.  kiss. mm yummy. hes got nice lips.  People started to scatter back downstairs. I walked over to the ledge to enjoy the view, and enjoy the breeze.  He sat up on the ledge in front of me. I squeezed myself between his legs and wrapped my arms around his waist.  kiss again. he nibbled on my lip. mm. he tastes like beer. for some reason i find that appealing.  He kissed me hard. and he kissed me good. I like good kissers.  He invited me downstairs. i followed him into the elevator.  he pulled me in close. i giggled. i miss being bad. it was always more fun. we wet downstairs and into his room. he told me to make myself comfortable. i sat down on the bed and twiddled my fingers.  all of a sudden, he was next to me. he kissed me again. his face changed. he put his hand on the head. i looked at him. i could tell he wasnt feeling too good. someone was much too drunk to be getting involved in things like that. i said i hoped he felt better and left the room. what a bust of a night. i stayed for awhile and chatted with some of the other boys that lived in the apartment. funny guys. we made plans for the following day. but since it was 4 am it was more like later that day.  so i went home with emily. slept for awhile. woke up. dentist. called the boys. chilled for awhile. made my way to brooklyn. and of course grabbed a bottle of wine on the way.  

A bottle of wine down. I was feeling warm and fuzzy on the inside.  ladybug was with me.  we were drinking wine. i brought my adorable puppy. no one was ready yet. so while everyone was getting ready i made my way to the upstairs of the apartment. the penthouse if you will.  to say hello to the boys. my puppy thought that Gus Gus's bed was awfully comfortable as he made his way into the bed, and curled up in the blankets.  I plopped down next to this boy Gus. Well he was a guy.  we talked for a while.  I was drunk. it was nice. He kissed me. It was yummy.  We were preparing to stay in for the night and do "other things".  We went downstairs to see what everyone was doing.  It was time to go. We took the elevator to the third floor where some neighbors were having people over.  It was interesting.  Gus and Delicious disapeared. Ladybug and I went looking for them.  All the boys wanted to go to some other party.  Pat, Ladybug, and Jenn, did not.  We went to barcade instead.  Ladybug had no ID.  We went in to see how it was while she stayed outside.  I went to hand the door guy my ID and he was nah you were here already.  word. i was in. easy enough.  ladybug told the guy her bag was instead. she ran in. i gae her my ID. she got in. wow. what an idiot the door guy was.  

We left the bar.  walked around. there was an odd russian kid who wanted to chill. we didnt want to chill with him. he split up and took off for hope st.  back at the house we chilled. I attempted to make a grilled cheese.  burnt it. gave it to ladybug. made a new one. we watched Superbad. i had a feeling in my head that gus gus and peach would be arriving home shortly with other bitches that weren't me. so where would that leave me? on the couch? WRONG. i don't sleep on couches unless i really really have to.  so we sat there. all of a sudden ladybug decided she wanted to go back to the city. i was in no way prepared for a subway ride to manhattan. i was WASTED. and i was proving a point. so she left. i sat there. not long after walked in delicious, gus gus, and peach. three guys and 2 girls. bitches to say the least. i sat there and laughed to myself.  i quietly ran upstairs and knocked on delicious' door. he opened up. he asked if i wanted to crash there. sad puppy face. yes i wanted to stay there. aside from the fact he had screwed ladybug not to long before that. ha ha.  so i ran downstairs. grabbed my dog and went back upstairs.  in bed. big red bed. the infamous big red bed.  how lovely.  i needed more wine. i put his shorts on and ran downstairs. grabbed the bottles and ran back upstairs. drank more. kiss. clothes off.

***** THE FOLLOWING IS EXPLICIT*****

he kissed me. he kissed my neck. he grabbed my butt. he grabbed my boobs. he liked it rough. i could tell. it was intriguing.  he grabbed a rubber. obviously. (Everyone should practice safe sex) He was inside me. It felt so good. rocking back and forth. on my back. on my side. on my stomach. in every which way. standing. sitting. against the wall. it was amazing sex.  The kind where when its over you cant move because you are quivering from pleasure.  He kissed my forehead.  how sweet. completely opposite of the sex.  He pushed me against the wall on my knees on the bed and fucked me.  it was amazing.  huge sigh of relief.  too bad for all of his roommates. i was screaming quite obnoxiously.  partially because it was good. and partially to say fuck you to everyone else in the house. aka. gus gus and peach. their loss not mine.  a successful weekend i suppose. it was time for a cigarette. my last one. but much needed.  we went on the balcony and chatted for a little bit.  went back inside and fell sound asleep. the best way to fall asleep is after good sex.  

the next morning we woke up much too early because there were no blinds in the room. oh well. i walked my puppy. went back upstairs and crawled back in bed. he wanted a morning bj. i laughed at him. i don't give head. its just not my thing. unless i'm getting the favor returned. it is not what i was trying to do.  i drank some wine. kill the hangover quick.  music. music i haven't listened to in ages.  morning sex was even better than the night before.  he rolled me a j in banana decorated papers. it was now about noon and was was already quite drunk. he had errands. i didn't. we said hello to gus gus. i crawled in bed with gus gus. and gave him a back rub while delicious went to the hardware store or something.  unfortunately there no further sex adventures that morning.  We went downstairs and got ready to leave. i left them a cute little message on their white board. 3 OUT OF 4.  how nice of me.  interesting train ride home i suppose. all in all the weekend was a success. it was only saturday morning.  

Saturday. The Wedding.

Reception was pretty. But most are the same, so there's no importance there.  Good thing my cousin was there.  Let's call her Bridget.  She is 25, and has never really been great with the guys. very shy, but amazing, and i wish she could have a little bit more confidence.  Anyway, so we walk into cocktail hour and it's filled with lots of older people, and its hard to pick out the younger ones.  Scanning the room there are a few that catch my eye. More importantly these adorable gay couple that are smoking outside with the brother of the bride.  One is wearing silver Converse and the other was wearing Dolce & Gabbana sneakers. they were so cute, and gay couples make me happy.  I walk outside to say hi to BB (brother of the bride).  I will play the girl card...

me: does anyone have a lighter? i couldn't fit one in my stupid bag.

bb: obviously. thats what guys are for my friend.

The conversation continued about how i know the bride, blah, blah, blah.  I finish my cigarette, and make my way inside to continue my lap around the room.  So far, no good.  After the longest cocktail hour of my life, the curtains finally open and the big room is unveiled, and we are all directed to make our way into there.  I was supposed to be at a table with both cousins and BB, but apparently not the case.  Bridget and I were at the corner table # 9.  We went to put our bags down, and I was taking my shoes off, when a guy walked up.  OH NO. I hoped our whole table was not like him, he was much older. (later we found out he was slow) but in any case, I got nervous.  Then I saw two guys make their way over to our table.  They introduced themselves, and we will call them Z and J.  But more focus on Z.  I would leave J for my cousin Bridget.  There was music playing, but not what i wanted to hear.  We all talked about holidays, who knew who, and how lame our table was.  I needed another drink.  Champagne please! This would be glass number 4, it was kicking in.  We all were invited to surround the dance floor, for some speech. We got up.  I like to be cute, so a little nudge here and there, just to let him know I am interested.  A smirk and a giggle.  We stand and clap, hes looking at me.  Keep giggling.  I tell him how much I adore his suspenders, but they don't match his tie.  He takes my hand and we make our way onto the dance floor.  For the record: wedding dancing is so lame.  But i danced and danced and danced.  My hand always had a full glass of champagne.  I was on number 9 at this point.  As the night went on I was liking this  Z person more and more.  He had gone to high school with BB, so I knew he was a tad older than me.  We continued to dance the night away and smile and laugh.  Every now and then I would pull him in by his tie.  We walked out off the main room back into the cocktail room and went to get some more drinks.  A glass of champagne for me, something strong for him.  He looked at me.  Smile.  Kiss. 

This was the kiss I had been looking for, a short yet sweet perfect kiss.  I haven't been kissed like that in a long time.  Smile and walk away.  Make him want it.  He walked after me, put his arm around me.  We went back to the dance floor.  What time was it?  It was 1:30AM.  The mystery L train boy had called me about 5 times.  Oops.  Shows how much I liked him.  I like new. Z was new.  L train was yesterday. I live in the now, and Z was now.  We danced.  He disapeared  for a few minutes.  Uh Oh here comes the mom.  

mom: im leaving.

me: im staying

mom: im giving 20 bucks to cousin for cab money

me: thanks. see you later or something.

In hindsight, I should have just told her that i was staying at Flo's house.  But I didn't.  And it would kick me in the butt tomorrow morning.  That makes two nights in a row of me being a no show.  

Anyway. My mom was gone, the coast was now clear.  The big room was empty and we had moved back into the cocktail room where a new DJ was playing amazing music.  That boy made me night with all of those tunes.  The band was cool too, but my heart will always be with a DJ.  I feel a tap on the shoulder, Bridget just told me that my other cousin's pants had split open and he left.  There goes my twenty books.  I finished my 13th glass of champagne grabbed my shoes and Z ran outside to grab him.  Too late he was gone already.  I looked at him.  Eye contact.  smile.  there were no words.  He carried my shoes, and i put my arm through his and we began to walk.  Only a few blocks he said.  I was wasted, it didn't really matter.  He told me I was a trooper for walking barefoot the whole way.  That was the most disgusting thing I have ever done.  12 blocks barefoot in chelsea, on the grimy NYC streets.  We finally reached his apartment.  It was a cute little mod place, very plain and very boring.  I put my bag down, sat down on his bed.  

me: im taking over this bed.

Z: thats fine

me: this dress sucks

he looked at me.  I unzipped and he pulled the thing right off of me.  He started to take his shirt off, and couldn't get the cufflinks.  Rip.  He just ripped it and broke the cufflink.  I remember kissing him, and then everything went black.  My first official blackout.  The rest was all up to imagination the next morning.

Sunday 9:07 am

I rolled over and saw him.  He was so cute. but so hairy.  I guess when you're 27 thats normal. ha.  he russled around. I looked under the covers, I had nothing on.  hmm. how was I supposed to make it to the bathroom from here.  I saw my underwear on the floor.  I had no idea what had happened in the hours previous.  I snatched my underwear and grabbed his shirt and made my way to the bathroom.  mirror. oh my god. my hair was still in place, a little off.  I ran back into the bed.  we kissed a little bit.  Neither of us remembered what had happened.  he was very polite and gave me a t-shirt and pants to wear home. He also gave me 20 bucks to take a cab.  We exchanged numbers and made plans for the next time I was home.  I texted him in the cab.  

me: i don't know if we had sex, but if we did I hope it was good.

Z: i was thinking the same thing. don't be a stranger.

I still wonder what happened that night.  It makes me want to find out if the sex was good.  if there was sex at all. he was a good kisser.  i guess we will have to wait until next time.

stay tuned for flashbacks. more sexcapades to come. <3.

The realization of me.

Friday. 8:37pm. hop on the 6 train downtown, transfer at union square for the L.

Its a lot warmer than I had expected. My ipod is essential, as well as my big headphones. It is the soundtrack of my life. Good song. Scanning the platform. pause. nice eyes, big blue eyes really dark hair. awkward hat from the 90's. eye contact. more eye contact. flirting with my eyes. who really cares though, this is the subway, and im on my way to williamsburg to meet a friend from high school. Well apparently he cares.  He came halfway across the platform just to get on the same car as me. how lovely. okay, now here's the important part. don't make it obvious. stand casually against the door, across from him, quick small glances. maybe a little quirky smile. well this will all end in a few minutes, my stop is next. turn around. smile. leave. strut your thing. walk confidently up the stairs and outside. he was cute. but hes gone.

wrong. i turn around as i pick up my phone to see him standing there. he followed me off the train. smile. giggle. and walk. he happens to be walking right next to me, as if we were traveling together. how nice. imagine. maybe hes someone important. we will have to wait to find out later. smile again. 

"what are you doing in brooklyn tonight?" he says, with a little hint of nerves in his voice.

"meeting a friend from boarding school. yourself?"

"going to this bar called speakeasy, then to some party for my friends band, you should join us."

"maybe i will, but first there is a blunt calling my name."

corner. pause. he asks for my number, he then proceeds to call me so that i have his. how interesting. im clearly thinking about him already as he leans in, puts his arm around me and kisses my cheek. i smile, wave and continue on my way. he was gorgeous. really tall. blue eyes. black hair. an odd sense of style. (but that can be dealt with later) he is the boy i dreamed of when i was little that way we would have kids with blue eyes no matter what. don't all little girls picture their dream husband? finally, I could see my friend across the street. hug it out.  we walked back to his apartment drank a brooklyn lager( it was gross and i hated it) smoked a little. all the while. this mystery train boy. lets call him L train. was texting me. 

me: ps. your gorgeous.

L train: right back at ya. am i going to see you.

me: im going to be brutally honest and tell you that i wanted to kiss you on the train.

L train: i felt the same way.

me: you should've kissed me.

L train: now ill make a point of doing it later when i see you.

This was all so crazy, I hadn't done something like this in over a year. how lame and boring had i really become. things like this give me a rush and i love it. my friend wanted to go eat so we left and walked to some small burger joint a few blocks away.  he wanted to go to another friends house at some party that sounded horrible. I couldn't get this boy from the L train out of my head and the lame party was not on my agenda.  We decided to split up, I would go meet this random stranger from the L train and my friend would go to his lame party and we would reconnect later. (or would we?) I texted L train.

me: where are you. what are you doing. im done here.

L train: about to walk to this party. meet me there.

me: is it far?

L train: no and it will be worth it.

mmm. incentive. would it really be worth it? (YES). I started walking, after my friend pointed me in the direction. a few minutes later, my friend saw me again i was walking in the opposite direction.  So finally after about 15 minutes of a far walk, quick batty smoke in the middle of a random brooklyn neighborhood. I was at the place he told me to be. But where was he? I waited. I texted him. he was on his way. Was this a horrible idea? no. it will all be fine. I felt the butterflies in my stomach. A feeling that had been absent for so long.  I looked up the street. I saw a kid I knew from long ago, that hated me. But don't worry the feeling was mutual, so I turned my head and texted L train.  He was almost here.  The butterflies intensified, and I could feel myself blushing.  It was now 10:45pm.  I saw him come around the corner.  There he was. That perfection. That random stranger from the L train.  We walked around the corner. There were kids everywhere, and bikes. There were lots of bikes everywhere.  We walked right in to this big hot sweaty room, everyone was drinking and dancing.  We walked to the DJ booth and they said their hellos.  I turned to my left and I thought I saw someone I knew. But it couldn't be him, what would he be doing here?  I found out later that the boy I saw was him. My ex boyfriend from several years back.  How odd.  Back to the party.  L train handed me a red cuyp and poured me a cup of Bacardi. no mixer. just bacardi. ewww. Bacardi is the worst rum ever. I drank it anyway, I felt the burn and loved it.  Blunt was lit and passed around.  We walked back down a few stairs and settled against a wall.  He pushed up against me. grabbed my neck. and kissed me.  I wish I could say it was the kiss I had been waiting for.  It surely wasn't.  It was a good kiss, but it was not a great kiss.  I hoped for something better but this is what I got, and I was going to make it work.  Drink drink drink. more more more. i could feel my head getting heavy.  The bacardi was kicking in.  We danced a little bit.  We went outside, got another dutch, some more liquor and as we returned to the party, the party was moving to the roof.  L train was drunk and happy and trying to be a slick little boy.  

" let's go smoke our own blunt on my roof."

me: sounds like a plan.

L train: okay then, lets go.

i smiled.  he said his goodbyes and we disapeared into brooklyn.  I came to find out he lived not far from me, and was still living at home with his parents. well maybe he had cool parents. oh well. i was in it to win it at this point.  we were walking. nothing looked familiar. we took a wrong turn. we were too distracted flirting, nudging, kissing.  we found some other train station and hopped on the train.  It was a J train. when we got to manhattan i got ansy, we left and hopped into a cab.   we got up to his block. bought beer and went into his building. it was sketchy. i felt like i was back in 9th grade. sneaking in. i took my shoes off and quietly ran into his room. the rest of the night was somewhat blurry. the sex was sloppy and not very memorable.  except for the bruise on my back.  we snuggled up to each other and fell asleep.  

9:45 am morning came around. my phone was dead. my mother was going to be so pissed. oops.  we had morning sex, and i left he liked me he said. we had plans for that night.  I had to attend a wedding first. i was excited. my dress was gorgeous and my shoes were better.  So we kissed, I snuck back out of his house and took a cab back to my house. yelling ensued.

stay tuned for the adventures of the wedding and saturday night. 

p.s. it turned out much better than friday. 

How to reinvent yourself, this is the beginning

I remember when i was the girl who didn't care about anyone or anything, i was doing my thing and you were more than welcome to join me. Things changed, college happened (I'm still here) and i realized that i was no longer who i felt like i was or who i wanted to be. i missed the old me. and bitches, i reinvented myself, brought myself back to the good days, the fun days, the crazy days. 

There are no steps to reinventing yourself, only goals. 

Goal #1 make a point of looking hot every single day, don't leave until you're satisfied that you are going to make heads turn when you walk down the street. 

Goal #2 do something different, haircut, piercing, hair color, change your style.  Do something outrageous that you "don't think you can pull off", chances are you can you're just too much of a p*ssy to do it.

Goal #3 eye sex, flirting. get a guy's head to turn, make him want to know more about you. don't give it all away at once, don't seem too interested. trains are the best place to do this, aka the subway. there's always the nervous rush and chance that you'll never see the person again. 

more to come soon...